By Bill Davis

I just wanted to walk in the mall today,
I have a blueprint of this maze in my head…
I am following a picture that leads to the store with the blinking red light, it absorbs me, I like to stare at it.
It holds and comforts me-
It is warm and safe-it is the same every time, Predictability befriends me.
And I am up the moving stairs, walking past the toys.
Around the bright store, thru the loud store and I am walking-fast! Head down! Fast!
Following my path, following my picture, turning quickly and…
Bang!
A shadow is scrubbing, where I must walk and the smell assaults me and…
Bang!
Harsh lights! loud noise! A piercing cry!
I go back to my path-eyes darting-fingers busy- my skin is crawling and…
I find my red light and stand right up against it and it consumes me and I bathe in its warmth and…
Bang!
The noise will not let me be, it surrounds me and attacks me, and my stomach hurts and my head aches and throbs and the loudness is there again.
So I press my head up against my light- just let me fix myself and.
Bang!
A baby crying! loud screaming and then…
Piercing questions-I seek pressure, I seek solace, I seek comfort and quiet and floating-
I just want my red light to turn on and off,
On and off,
On and off,
On and off,
On and off,
And I scream with anticipation and need and I wave my fingers and flap my hands and jump up and down,
up and down
up and down
up and down
up and down…and
Bang!
A man with six buttons and no face, roaring, yelling, and I turn away and…
Bang!
He comes closer and I ache now and shiver and my skin turns itchy and warm and…
Bang!
He touches my neck, and grabs my shoulders and turns me and…
I am repeating what he says again and again and,
Again and again and,
Again and again and…
Bang!
The floor is pressing me and open mouths are yelling at me, hands touching me and I
picture my room and my trains and my cards and…my dad and…
Bang!
The floor is pressing me and open mouths are yelling at me, hands touching me and
I picture my room and my trains and my cards and…my dad and…
Bang!
I can't move my hands or my head and I am biting, flailing, aching, screaming, punching, eyes rolling, mind racing and flashes of light and sound have taken me and…
my dad can help, my light will help and…
I don't know what will happen next, and there is no comfort here, on understanding here and…
I just wanted to walk in the mall today…