Understanding Humans with Patty Miller

Patty Miller, President and Sr. HR Consultant at MillerNet HR Solutions, is a very gifted and experienced leadership and life coach, Patty has been helping people better themselves with the human assessment tool, the Core Values Index, for over 7 years. With over 17 years of Human Resources experience, Patty helps people understand themselves so that they can understand their natural conflict strategies and through awareness know the best time to take a stand or stand down.

In Patty’s Understanding Humans Series, we take her skills to a new level. While understanding yourself and your natural tendencies can be used to help you find the best sustainable career, we have found that it can also be used to understand other people and what their natural tendencies are.

This can help autism families in many ways. The most obvious is a logical and structured way to help people that have trouble understanding social cues to recognize the natural tendencies of others so that they can better understand the reactions of others.

THE UNDERSTANDING HUMANS SERIES WITH PATTYMILLER

EPISODE 1: WHAT IS THE CORE VALUES INDEX?

In episode one, Patty explains where many people on the spectrum fit within the Core Values Index and how they can improve themselves to better understand the world and help the world better understand them.

But, to take understanding humans even further, we have found that many families and support structures around autistic individuals exist in a natural form of conflict. While all stemming from a place of love and concern, different types of people deal with situations in many different ways. This can lead to arguments and stress between parents and siblings because of a disagreement in the best way to handle stressful situations.

TRANSCRIPT

Understanding Humans with Patty Miller
Episode 1: What is the Core Values Index?

Tue, Apr 26,2022 1:26AM • 38:46‍

SUMMARY KEYWORDS

people, energy, person, knowledge, power, wisdom, core values, underscore, valued, personality assessments, wired, emote, love, index, hr consultant, decision, conflict, feel, action, high

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SPEAKERS

Patty Miller

Patty Miller  00:16

I am Patty Miller, I am the president and senior HR consultant with MillerNet HR and Business Solutions. And I’m a very proud coach with Core Values Index. I’ve been using this tool for around seven over seven years. And I investigated a lot of tools out there that I literally wanted to put my money behind. And I landed on Core Values Index because of its extreme accuracy. So you’ve heard of DISC, Myers-Briggs,  Colors, Profiles, all of those other good personality assessments. And that’s exactly what they are. They are personality assessments, they are not an indication of how your innate, unchanging ways are, of how you’re wired. Okay, well, well, with Core Values Index you will, what I really liked so much about it is, is it’s a human assessment tool versus a personality assessment tool. And I have worked with people from all levels of various personalities, we’ve got your extreme introverts, your extreme extroverts, and then everybody in between. And what I really see high value in CVI and I hope others see as well is it’s breaking down some of the societal barriers that that all women have more intuition or that all men have more power. And that is not true at all. That basically, we all you know, we emote in different ways. And we think in different ways, and we problem solve indifferent ways. But the biggest thing is, is we go into our conflict strategy, and that is every human, no matter your language, diversity, anything, we all do that. And if you can learn how to catch yourself in the blessings, the stripes of your Tiger, and knowing when to roar, and maybe when to sit, then that that will help us all with the people that that we work with, especially with the neurodiverse individuals and loves in our life, because they they, they just need our support and our love and our understanding and compassion. And it’s not always easy to be that, you know, when you’re feeling emotionally charged as well, how do you manage that. And so when you can see how you’re wired, and how other people are, you can, you can de-escalate situations far faster. So what I really like about Core Values Index, which has been taken, has been done and taken over a million times globally is the extreme accuracy behind the simplicity of the of the the assessment itself. It only takes 10minutes to complete. And it has 36 blocks of four very positive adjectives. And that is why the accuracy is so high because as humans, we can trick people in a sense, where we want to tell you what we think you want us to know about us. And that’s why the repeat score reliability for all those other personality assessments I mentioned earlier, only have a repeat score reliability between60 and 80%. So with core values index, we call it a human assessment tool, because it is more about the stripes of your Tiger. And fun fact, if you were to shave a tiger’s fur, their skin is tinted the same color as their as their fur. So it’s so you really can’t change who you are. And I believe that you could be mindfully aware of who how you can grow into other areas to make help with more maturity and your own personal growth. But I truly believe that you ultimately can’t change innately who you are and how you be. So that’s why the power and the simplicity of the Core Values Index is so strong, it’s important to start off with the definition of all the four energies. Now I’m being very broad right now speaking about each energy in its entirety of what that definition means. Because sometimes sometimes people come to conclusions incorrectly, when they see the word wisdom, or power or knowledge, like I’m not smart, or I’m too fluffy, because I have too much love. Or you know, there’s there’s many reasons why people may not like the certain energy names, but they were chosen mindfully by Lynn Taylor of Taylor Protocols, the gentleman who created this for over 30 years. And actually interesting background on the creation of this. Lynn was recognizing he was working in a hospital many many years ago, and understanding that there were certain nurses and doctors who responded to situations and they were starting to actually wire their heart rate. So their anxiety level or their just their their, I guess, anxiety level really and started to understand that when you are in anxiety, or in flux that you are not at your best. And so that was the foundation of how this all came to be, of course, there’s a lot more work that has gone towards this. But that’s just a little bit of the background of how this came to be. So I’m going to start in, in, you know, going from left to right, and then down around in the corner there.

Patty Miller  05:22

So power. So what power is not is it’s not a bull in the china shop, it is not, it’s got to be my way or no way, Hell or High Water kind of thing, it is not an aggressive, you know, I must have my way, no matter what I just need to underscore that.  What power is, is the most intuitive of all of the four energies. And what I like about Core Values Index is I can actually identify men who have more intuition than women. And I can also identify women that might have more power than men. And so it’s kind of breaking down societal barriers of where you feel like you must be because you’re male or female. And I have actually used this with some really wonderful success and understanding for for people who are on the spectrum. And I will explain that a little bit more as well. So getting back to power. So it is the it’s the most gray zone, as I mentioned, is the most intuitive, and it is the most overt. So you just you demonstrate or you emote the most outwardly as a power energy. So it is basically the energy to make positive decisions, positive choices, and to take to take action and make good things happen. And because it’s the most intuitive, you may not have all the data or details or facts, but you have enough confidence in yourself to to take action and course correct along the way, I really want to want to underscore the catalytic value. So the catalytic value for power is faith has nothing to do with spirituality, it has to do with your inner faith, your inner confidence. It’s not ego based it is it is more from a creative mind, where you have the faith to take action. And you don’t need to have brain share or acknowledgement from everybody else, for you to feel comfortable to make a decision, you’ve got that power within you to make that decision. That’s something I really wanted to underscore. So power individuals or people that have tappable energy and power are those that that make decisions for the health for the benefit of a business. They take action in that as I mentioned, they course correct along the way. So it is, you know, the faith, I know what I need to do and my power is sufficient. And then it’s action results, make things happen. Poop or get off the pot. Ready Aim Fire, you know, like, let’s just go. I guess that’s where even what I do when I’m in a an emotionally charged investigation, or if I’m doing a termination, and I’m taking out five people in one office, and I have to have everybody else that’s not being removed in the in the boardroom. And I’ll say get to the boardroom like I you know, like I say what needs to be said because I’m, I’m on I’m on I’m on I’m doing what I need to do for the health of the business, and to take care of this this emotionally charged action with the best of intention, best action, best results. And so that’s where my power comes into play. Right? So I don’t I’m not even emotional. I’m not even love anymore. Really. I am. I’m compassionate. But I’ve already the decisions have been made. Now I’m taking action results. So my powers alive.

 

Patty Miller  08:42

Yeah. So power person does not want to have more and more conversation. They don’t want to have more meetings about it, they get actually irritated when, when certain other individuals based on how they’re wired, like to have more conversation about it and talking about it. And it’s like no, let’s just take action for crying out loud. I also find for various roles like for, let’s say project managers or leaders, for supervisors, office managers, anybody who has a level of of authority where they need to make decisions, you need to have tappable power that even includes sales people, like external salespeople need to have power to close the deal. And an inside sales rep would need to be more on the wisdom side because it’s more repetition and it’s more structure so you’ll get a chance to understand that so when we’re in power, you’re feeling really comfortable and confident and all the good things that you’re doing. And think of the your dining room lights you know your your chandelier when it’s when your power is healthy and full, your light is bright. And the biggest fear for power person is to be seen as powerless or basically impotent that way and so that they have no power. So the biggest fear of a power person is to be seen with their energy not being recognized and valued. And so they go into their conflict strategy for power person that conflict strategy is intimidation.

 

Patty Miller  10:09

Now remember I said this is the one that emotes the most outwardly. So this is where an insecure or immature power person I’m giving an example. So you can maybe think of people in your life where they, they hit their hands on the table, or they finger point and what’s the matter, and they kind of they intimidate you down, they might stand over you in a boardroom, or in your room. And and basically, they’re trying to intimidate you down. And quite often that works because most people don’t like conflict. So they go quiet. But that does not mean that the power person yay power, they got one point for them, when you’re going into your conflict strategy, you’re never at your best. So I just need to underscore that when you go into conflict, you’re never at your best. And if you can catch yourself going into conflict, that’s where you start to grow. And I and I’ll share some of my stories as well as we get through this. So it’s decided to do action results make good things happen. It’s the confidence that you have a pretty good idea of the information before you and you’re going to take action, and then you course correct along the way. Okay.

 

Patty Miller  11:20

So going into love so. So what love is not is it’s not touchy feely, it’s not hugs and kisses. It’s not emotionally like emoting and hugging. It’s not that at all. It is it is not a weak energy, it is not a doormat, it is wanting to inspire and work with people for what amazing collective things you can do together as, as as a duo, or as a team, etc. So it’s wanting to make good things happen and, and it’s seeing the value in others. Now the catalytic value for love is, is trust or truth. So meaning that you have to feel comfortable and confident that that your spidey senses are going off, and that the person you’re interfacing with, even if you’re meeting them for the first time, that you feel that they’re on the up and up, you’re on the up and up. So let’s continue interfacing and working together. So it is and I say love, it’s not like you have your hand on your sleeve, because that tome, is a negative example where you are as if your emotions were raw, and right on the surface and you’re ready to cry at a moment’s notice. That’s not it at all. The way I think of it, because I think of it even for myself as an HR consultant and leadership coach. And life coach is, is an I’m getting the best of me. And when people maybe criticize or judge or have an opinion about what I feel has been the best of me, that kind of hurts, right? So that would hurt anybody that has the love energy in them. So it’s not like you have your hand on your sleeve. But it’s more like you’re giving the best of you the best of your heart. And so when people are not valuing you for what you feel has been almost a piece of you, it wounds.

Patty Miller  13:08

And I want to stick on love a little bit, because I think there’s a good chunk of the population, as I mentioned, is love wisdom 75%, or wisdom, love. And so this will help those that are not in love, understand what they might need to be able to do in order to have more, more congruency and more understanding when they interface with people of various energy and how they’re wired. So it is wanting to, you know, see the best in each other and let’s make good things happen. So for me, as an HR consultant, I love it and working with amazing people like yourself, you know, what do you do? You know, what’s your pain points, and let’s collaborate and let’s makegood things happen. And I’m already thinking, I can help you here, I can help you there, we could do things there. And it’s a very, very creative energy as I was, as I was mentioning, so it’s truth, the way things are. Now here you are giving the best of yourself, and, and so and you’re starting to go, why is that person treating me this way? Why is that person maybe standing me up again, or being late again for the meeting, or not doing the work that they promised that they would do. So you start to go, why are they doing that? You know, here, I would not do that to them. Why are they treating me so as love people and I want to underscore this as love people have a higher sense of fairness.

Patty Miller  14:30

So fairness in the sense that what I wouldn’t do that, why would they do that? So we have this comparison that we do mentally? Where we’re going, huh? Why are they why are they behaving this way? I wouldn’t be this way. Now why I’m sharing that with you is when you start to feel that you’re giving more and they’re taking more than truth or trust is leaving part of the relationship. And when for us love people truth and trust means everything. So that expression of I trust you As far as I can throw you, absolutely rings true for someone that is higher energy in the love, in the love energy. So it’s very much relationships and vision and what good things can we do collectively together. And so here it is, you know, talk and listen, and collaboration, etc. And but what happens is when truth is leaving the relationship, you start to we start to go into manipulation, and manipulation presents in many ways, for us love people.

Patty Miller  15:30

So it can be sarcasm, you know, great, thanks for showing up, or did you forget my phone number, or it can be passive aggressive, you know, again, sarcasm, passive aggressive, it could be snide comments. And it can also be a sense of manipulation, where you’re going, you know, Vince did this to me, I can’t believe it. And I’m only trying to do that, and this is what’s happened. And you’re basically selling your side of the story to those that would give you the time and attention. So they go, you are right, and so and so is wrong. And it’s a form of manipulation. So catch yourself when you get into that. Love, people tend to use more loving type of verbiage. So Oh, I love that, you know, more feeling type of words. So you can start to pick up when people start to talk, how they’re wired a little bit, or at least I know I can, because I’ve been using this tool for some time. But I have to share I was going through an email stream with a gentleman I was coaching. And, and he was, I was just reading, and I’m thinking, This guy’s manipulating me. And not that I liked that I was being manipulated, but I caught it. And that’s my point is when you can catch it when you can understand what the conflict strategy is for all of the four energies that will give you tools to help you call it right then and there on what needs to be in the room right now is that power, love, wisdom or knowledge. So I just wanted to underscore we go into manipulation, and we are not good when we go into that. I catch myself, you know, where I might be wanting to throw a comment or a jab? And I think how is that going to solve anything. So as love, people think we can throw five, five words of sarcasm out there. And we’re actually going to illuminate that person with such grandeur that they’re going to change their way. We’re not doing that in a sense in a sense, it’s a it’s a paper cut. And it can be death by 1000paper cuts if we keep start manipulating people that way. So there are a lot of people that have love that their energy is very high and love, but they’re actually going through life in a very manipulative tactic. And we’ve met unhealthy people like that, you might have been able to see that.

Patty Miller  17:43

So for us love people, when truth or trust is no longer part of the relationship. You might even release that individual. And it could be a family member or friend, you may have released some you know people in your in your past life in high school or something. And if you have to work with somebody that you no longer trust, you’ll be polite and friendly with them. But you’re keeping them at arm’s length, you’re not going to share yourself anymore because you don’t trust them. Why give anything more of yourself if they’re not seeing the value of the good things that you have to offer? Does that make sense?

Patty Miller  18:16

So now we’re going into wisdom. So wisdom is the way things are and what to do about it. So, so power and love was the more emoting outwardly and now we’re going more inward. So now we’re going into our own mind. So a loved person would be is happy to be with the people talk, collaborate out loud, brainstorm good things like that, when it comes to wisdom, this is now where we go more into ourselves. And we start to I call it Rubik’s Cubing, you know, you’re coming through with all these different possibilities to get to the end goal with the least amount of conflict, hiccup, rework, you know it with the most efficient, least amount of energy being expelled? Does that make sense? So you want to ensure that you are, you know, just thinking about all the ways to get to that, that solution. And in sometimes you do interface if you if you are higher in love, you might interface and go, What do you think? Or you might make it more for yourself and just go more into your head. So the catalytic value is compassion.

Patty Miller  19:18

So someone might come up to you and say, Chix, this is what’s happening, oh, my gosh, and did it, you know, and then they’re just dumping it on you. Right? What you do, because the catalytic value is compassion, is you simply thank them for that information. And now you’re thinking about possible ways of to solve that. So you’re not elevating to their state of mind and you’re not going to they’re, they’re not pulling you down, so to speak. And now you are going into your mind and you’re thinking what are the possibilities of how I can make good things happen. So, assess and solve is, you know, the assessment of solutions and, and basically, as I mentioned, how do I get to, you know, to the end goal, and I really like when I catch myself in wisdom and where you start to pontificate about all these other ways of how you can solve said problems. So the biggest fear for a wisdom person or a wise person is to be seen as unwise or even stupid to some degree. And so our conflict strategy is interrogation. Now that word was mindfully chosen to interrogate, think of it as like ripping you a new one and tearing you down. Like they’re cutting you down, right? Because here, they have been, you know, in a sense, doing more homework internally, than then let’s say a power person, right? The power person’s like, let’s just make good things happen. Whereas a wisdom person is like they they’re doing more homework, in a sense, they’re thinking more, they’re expending more energy to try and contribute as best as possible. And when they are being challenged for their wisdom, they will kind of almost, and what about this? And what about that, and you forgot about this, and they will bring forward all of the ideas that they have thought about other verb, either, they’ve either brought it forward, or they haven’t. But now you’re gonna get a barragement of this, and this, and this, and this, and this, and this. So they’re tearing you down. And so if again, for most people, we know what the, you know, we’re not used to that. So we kind of shut down. And depending on how harsh an interrogation might be, it can, it can be a very wounding experience. So for wisdom people, they need to be mindful of how they go into interrogating and tearing people down.

Patty Miller  21:27

So now we’re going into knowledge. So this is the most overt, sorry, covert, opposite, covert way of behaving. This is, if anything, this energy is the one that does their most due diligence than anybody else. So it is the conservation of information. And for knowledge, people, they actually like to reserve and conserve their energy, they don’t want to be scattered, they don’t want you know, they they are they’ve done their due diligence, they have their homework, they go through research and facts and Excel spreadsheets and data. And they are collecting all this information. And they’re the ones that you hear, I redid that spreadsheet till two in the morning, and you go, “whaaat?”  Two in the morning, who who wants to do that, but these people are, are energized, by going into what I call the weeds in the data, they they really get a charge of that. So for me, knowledge is my latest energy. And I can go into it with with little with concerted effort, I and I could only stay in that energy for short bursts of time. And I even start to feel myself losing my own attention span. So the catalytic value is justice. So it’s got to be fair and equitable for everybody. Now fair doesn’t mean it’s got to be 50%. For you, 50%. For you, you know, a knowledge person takes into consideration what would be fair, you know, to the whole, but it’s got to be fair for everybody, you can’t give to one and nothing to the other. Because that’s not fair. So it’s wanting to ensure that that we that that a knowledge person is is bringing forward the data, that and that it’s correct and accurate. And they really take their pride for that. So knowledge person opposite to love, where we want to be valued for the collaboration and the relationships that we’re building with love, and knowledge person, if they were very high in that energy does not care what people really think. And so this is where knowledge people have been incorrectly labeled, or have been the just… You don’t get them right. Or you might find them as odd or quirky. And ironically, this is where I have found over the years where people can be on the on the spectrum in autism if they’re very high in knowledge. And the reason I say that is because they are so good at getting all of the data that they need that that that you know whether it’s art, or whether it’s science, or whether it’s any topic that that that really speaks to them. They are experts at it. And so they don’t necessarily care what other people think they want. They want to be valued for their brain. So sometimes they might be seen as pointed, or, you know, Hey, you don’t sugarcoat that, or, you know, you you know, boy, you put sure, you sure said that in a hard and harsh manner. And they’re like what I’m just telling you the truth. And so they’re actually a little bit confused. Sometimes. Their social emotional intelligence is a little bit light. Actually, it’s very light. If you have high knowledge, your social emotional intelligence will be lighter. It’s just how it is because you’re not reading the room. A love person can read the room and they can you know, they’re the ones making people comfortable. Have a seat. Can I get you a coffee and I’m Oh, come on in Welcome. Have you met so and so they’re the ones that are kind of the social ones, making everybody feel more comfortable. And knowledge people, they don’t really care.

Patty Miller  25:02

So they and I’ve even said to knowledge people, and they go, I don’t really care what they did on the weekend, why should I ask them what they did, and I go, I know you don’t really care. But because 75% of the population are love, wisdom, wisdom, love, it would be helpful for people that are wired with a higher energy in power, or in knowledge to actually think of how to ingratiate themselves more with the love. And even if it’s not in them to give not that, then I have to underscore that does not mean, I’m underscoring in 1000 different ways. And knowledge person doesn’t mean that they are incapable of love. They’re certainly very lovable. They’re very, and they love strongly, just like we all do, but they emote differently, they will not be the ones that cry easier. They’re the ones that actually shut down and go into their room and they go quiet, for the most part. So you know, a love person, or sorry, knowledge person, you might say, give me the report by four o’ clock. And if that knowledge person feels that they haven’t been valued for all of their homework, and let’s face it, they have, they’ve gone into the weeds, and they’ve done dug deep to get their data to bring this forward. And if and if they’re not being valued for that, then they shut down and they goin to what’s called aloof judgment.  So they basically go quiet, and they think I’m not… Why should I give you this data? If you say, give me my report at four, they’re gonna go, no, they, they might give it to you at four, they might give it to you at four or five, you might have to go chasing for it because they don’t want to share it, they think Why should I give the best of me because that is the best of them, when you’re not valuing.

Patty Miller  26:42

So ultimately, CVI Core Values Index is where you’re being valued for the best of who you are, how you be. And I’m a big believer in giving people the work for and we all want to make that contribution in life based on how we’re wired, once we’re fed, well watered and sheltered, some are to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, we all want to have that higher calling, we want to have that purpose in life, where we are contributing, and we are getting that that value. And that, that, that, that sense of purpose that we all want to have as as humans than our time here. So so a knowledge person, as I mentioned, they go quiet, and oh, and so as an example of power person to de…, to to, to bring someone away or out of conflict is you could say, you know, what knowledge, I have always made my sound decisions based off of your solid research, and I look to you to give me this data. And that’s where they will come to life back to life, and they will start to share and open up again, because that is what they’re, they see the most value. So again, people on the on the spectrum, they can’t read the room. So when you have your arms crossed like this, and and, you know, you may have left the conversation, but you’re still sitting there, you know, your eyes are rolling back, and you’ve let you know, because what they’re doing is they love to expose, expose and expand on their knowledge, but they don’t know that they might be talking your ear off. Right? And that’s something they just don’t get it.

Patty Miller  28:11

And I share an example of a this amazing woman. And I think it will resonate with a lot of people. I got her because because I did a Core Values Index on her, but she was profound in knowledge. And she had untappable energy and love. Now she was married. And she is a very smart woman. She learned her fourth, or she learned sorry, she took her law degree in her fourth language, which was English. So that’s crazy already. That’s her fourth language and she’s taking a law degree. And mistakingly she went into family law. So you know, divorce and so she’s like, Alright, let’s get you’re divorced. And they wanted to cry on her shoulder a little bit. They wanted more empathy, they wanted more understanding yet she was black and white facts, let me help you. Let me help you. I’ve got your file, let’s get all this together. But she wasn’t connecting with the people that were coming to her. And, and she also didn’t like the bureaucracy and red tape and perhaps politics of working in a larger firm, because that’s not in her to give. She also had her own room at home, not her own bedroom, but her own space at home, her own room, where she could decompress in her own comfort of her of the privacy of her herself. She really, really recharged her batteries, by being by herself. And I find people that have high knowledge like to do that they need to have time to process and to think they also, if in conflict, they can’t think on their toes. Like someone who is in love or power or wisdom. They can’t think on their toes as quickly so they just shut down.

Patty Miller  29:52

So recognizing if someone is higher in knowledge, you need to give them the time in order for them to pontificate and think about how so so they have appropriate time to respond. Otherwise they just shut down and it becomes an unpositive experience for everybody. So it’s read and analyze the conservation of information. Catalytic value is is justice, it’s got to be fair and equitable for everybody. I need to go back to the woman, the law gal. So she was going back, you know, if she needed to change into, like, if you want someone to be in corporate law, where she can translate, you know, a binder this thick from English to Russian, she’s your gal. And there’s not many people in this world who can do this. And the world needs people like her. And she even said to me, and it made me sad for her. She goes, You know, there’s people in my life, that in my family that I know, love me. And there’s people that I know, in my family, I think they tolerate me or maybe don’t like me. And that’s because they don’t get her. They don’t get that she’s still very, you know, feels love. She has every feeling we all do, but she doesn’t emote it so we think she’s an odd duck. And we were, I was doing a coaching meeting with her and we’re out having sushi, which is my favorite one of my favorites. And I’m cutting my sashimi with my chopsticks. Now I have to also go back to this gal. She, for the fun of it, learned Japanese for the fun of it, who does that? He does, right? Knowledge, the conservation of data. This is where she, it gratifies her she feels like she’s contributing to the world by learning and learning. And she says, even like, you know, Cliff Clavin from that old, that old TV show, Cheers. You know, where he was just a random walking encyclopedia. Did you know Did you know? She’s kind of like the Cliff Clavin. And she said, you know, it always comes in handy. There’s never been a time that any information has not been valuable for her. But I’m cutting my sashimi. And she goes Did you know, in Japan, if if the chef saw you and people around, you saw you cutting your sashimi, it would be seen as disrespectful to the chef who prepared it. And also rude to the fish who gave its life for you. So it’s it’s it’s frowned upon. And I just took it as a fun fact, I’m in Calgary, Canada here. So I didn’t, I took it as a fun fact. And it didn’t mean anything to me. Because I get her. 10 minutes later, she says to me, Patty, I hope I didn’t offend you by saying that. Because her social emotional intelligence will always for her bean afterthought. It’ll never be a forethought, and appreciate she’s been hammered all her life, you got to be friendlier, you got to do this, she got to be you got to ask people questions and all this. And so, but it’s not in her to give. And so I just need to underscore that she, the world needs her. She’s loved and, and the world needs her energy and her contribution. But she was being misunderstood. And so I needed to underscore that.

Patty Miller  32:57

So when you recognize what’s a light energy for you, you want to find people that you trust in your life, that is of the opposite energy. And then together, you’re better. And I do this with business teams. I do this with succession planning. And what I mean by succession planning is I can tell if you’re wired to be, let’s say a power or leader. And an example was engineering firm. The President very progressive at only 53wanted to identify four or five people on his team, that he can start to succeed for the next four or five years. And then ultimately, one person would be the president. One of the individuals that was chosen, he was profound in wisdom. And he was untappable in power. So a president of a firm needs to be able to make a termination decision, a hiring decision, a merger, acquisition a financial decision, you know, they need to be movin’ and a shakin’ right. And this individual, he would be in extreme anxiety and stress. If he had to terminate someone, he could not do it by himself, he would need a whole team in order to support him. And that is not what a president is needs. So why put him in a role that he’s not wired for?  Put you in a role that you’re wired for? What I love about people that are on the bottom heavy side, they are excellent at structure, process. Repetition, attention to detail, you know, they can they can hammer out code, they can replicate something over and over and over again with high accuracy. And and they The world needs those people too.

Patty Miller  34:39

And I have another example prior to COVID this one firm, they build pumps in the oil and gas industry. And the gentleman who is the manufacturing manager, he is wisdom knowledge. So he’s absolutely wired for the manufacturing of pumps, you know, to make sure that our processes were followed to a tee because You need quality assurance, quality control, but he was really light on the left side. And so, so I said to him, I go, I’m not saying pretend or be inauthentic. But I know it’s not your front energy or your front question. But show, you know, like, work that muscle and show and ask and be curious. So remember, love is talking listen. So it’s a curiosity, and just say, so he did this on Monday morning, he goes, How was everybody’s weekend, this is my love speaking. They laughed at him. And they said, Oh Matt and whatever. And but that little bit of him showing that he cared what they thought about and how and what their lives were like, ingratiated him more. And ironically, that helped him he still was the same man doing amazing work. But that helped him be accepted in a higher level of regard. Sometimes people will suppress who they are, I also need to talk about warping.

Patty Miller  35:59

So warping comes into play, based on how we are raised in our familial home. So in how we’re raised, we could be a only child, we might be wealthy, we might be middle class, we might be poor. As an example, from me, I had I grew up with three brothers, I’m the second youngest. And, and I was, and my parents unfortunately had financial issues. And they went bankrupt when I was a teenager.  My mom shared with me, said to me, basically, when I was 15, so grade 10 Patty, we don’t have the money to give you for clothes and you’re spending money, you must either find work, or you’re going to have to basically pay your own way. So you know, I understood I wasn’t like oh bad mom, I understood what was happening. And so I started capitalizing more on my power, I started taking more action. And as an HR consultant and business consultant, I land in my clients building, so to speak, and I have to get the lay of the land quickly. And then I have to start taking action. And I might be saying stop that right now. Because you’re putting your business at risk. So my point is, is I’m using my power more than the numbers would show. So I have exercised my third muscle my third energy, which is my power muscle more as I have grown and matured and coming from my family home with three brothers literally having to fight for my own candy. And, and there was no Princess factor growing, you know, going on at home. In fact, I was so the first and only asked to pay rent. And so I moved out that the youngest. And I got married at the youngest. And and so I was using my power.

Patty Miller  37:40

So I wanted to bring up your family experience because sometimes people will suppress parts of who they are. Sometimes people will suppress parts of their love, because they might have a parent who has more power or a parent who has more wisdom. And so you might suppress parts of who you are. So I wanted to talk a little bit about the warping that comes into play.

Patty Miller  37:59

So us humans, we like people that are like ourselves. And so when you have people that are different than you, we are quicker to judge.  Right or wrong, that’s just what we do. And I it and it’s in I also feel our world has never been more divided ever coming off of COVID. You know, do you vaccinate Do you not do you wear a mask? Do you not all of those things have come into play? So I just see high high value in Core Values Index.